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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
You can react by saying, ‘that’s not funny, it’s mean, and I don’t appreciate it’ and shut them down.
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I do. And for the most part, she tends to avoid me. When we do interact, she's far more polite with me than she is with the others. But...
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The rest of the group may start to see them for what they are and also shut them down, leave them out.
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This doesn't happen. When Natalie was with the group, the dynamic changed almost immediately, and the whole group began calling out Regina's ********. I could've done that from the start, but no, I'm trying to be less controlling for some stupid reason.
I'm only saying that maybe there are situations which make it necessary for one to be controlling, and maybe I shouldn't have held back.
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My point of telling you this is that when you do shut down this frenemy, I warn you about the smear campaign. But, saving your self esteem is worth it. And the others in the group who are real friends will follow suit.
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What a twat. It's good you told her off.
I have a feeling Regina has already started a smear campaign on me. And everyone else. She's the type of person who will constantly make snide comments about people behind their back, usually about little things that no one else would've noticed otherwise, and oftentimes aren't even true.
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Originally Posted by LilyMop
When I was working really hard to stop letting people walk on me I started blasting them instead. I went from one extreme to the other.
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Yeah, I think I've gone too far in the opposite direction.
I have no problem politely making my point and then leaving it be - when it's only between me and Regina. When other people are involved, however, I'm inclined toward manipulation and controlling behavior in order to get the pawns on my side. And there's no winning in this game. If I succeed, Regina will vie for control by demeaning the others into submission, and then her and I will get into a screaming match. If I fail, then I'll either get into a screaming match with Regina or refer to the others as morons for listening to her. It can get ugly really quickly. Moreover, I'm hesitant to argue on behalf of the others, even if she's being flat-out emotionally abusive towards them, because then it feels like I'm trying to control them just as much as she is. Which I kinda am.