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Originally Posted by SoSorry7735
Hi! I'm 21, and a girl. Here's my 2 cents.
You believe women find you "undatable and unattractive". Let's start with that. Everyone can be attractive in someones eyes--I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. Make sure you're putting your best foot forward when you go on dates so that you feel confident. Get that haircut you've been putting off. Make sure your hygiene is good. Dress in clothes that make you feel and look good. Everyone can improve their attractiveness by making sure they're clean and well kept. If you're already doing this, good. Keep this in mind: nobody KNOWS you're a virgin. They can't judge you on that because they don't know. You don't have to tell anyone about your past sex life--it's none of their business.
Use meetup, tinder, bumble, and other dating apps to increase your probability of finding someone.
There's nothing inherently wrong with being a virgin at 30, but I understand the stigma and shame it could cause. But think about this: are you really going to be any different after having sex with a person? I mean, sex can be great and formative and yadda yadda, but really, I've had some very unremarkable sex that left me thinking "what was the point in that?" Lol. It's not going to make you a different person--what you have to offer now is good enough. Go into dates with that confidence of knowing that you're already enough.
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It is not really that I believe it insofar as it is what I infer based on reactions and negative comments. More than a few times back home in San Francisco since I was a teenager women have called me disgusting, horrifically ugly and other names. I think that I believed too much what they were saying. I mean yes, maybe on average every few months women would just say that I was ugly, but I think that I forget to recall that I live in a unique place where the majority of people, not just women but also the men, are complete arseholes. Women tend to make negative comments about me back home, and men as well, so much that I can barely make any male friends because they say that I am weird or whatever.
In terms of hygiene, I think that I am quite good in this area. Since I have OCD, I go a bit crazy when it comes to personal hygiene. I shower thoroughly and shampoo and soap a lot that my water bills are going high because of my shower lengths. It takes me five minutes just to brush my teeth, and I brush my hair for over ten minutes. I am definitely not sloppy in this area.
I always had this type of anxiety about being a virgin at 30. My birthday is exactly one week from now. But throughout my 20s, I always had this impression that I had to "get it over with" and lose virginity as quick as possible, so that I could claim that I was normal. Even male acquaintances told me that I had to lose it as soon as possible, by any means necessary, even if it meant risking pregnancy or contracting STIs, because that would still be better than being a virgin at 30. I always had the feeling that being a virgin in the 20s was like being in a sort of purgatory, and that being a virgin at 30+ would be like being sent to hell. I am not even religious, but the comparison was something like that. Maybe I listened to mainstream society too much and the ridiculous people that surrounded me.
My hairstyle is long/medium hair. Around shoulder length. When I was younger I always had short hair, but I strongly disliked having hair that short. The hair does not really matter, because short hair or long hair, women have given me negative comments regardless. Maybe my looks are just a turn-off, since for most of my adult life I have tried to imitate the look of John Lennon after he left the Beatles--long hair, circular glasses, sometimes with a beard. Women used to call me disgusting for that look. Right now I have aviator glasses and try to imitate the looks of Ray Manzarek (the drummer of the 60s band The Doors). Maybe women like short hair, but really, I truly dislike having short hair. I cannot compromise my own looks just for women to like me. If they hate me for having long hair, then really I cannot do anything about that.
In terms of letting women know about my situation, you are right. I think that due to my Asperger's whenever they asked, whether they were genuinely curious or with malintentions, I would answer honestly that I was single/virgin. Quite a few times their reactions were something like, "Oh my god!" or "Are you serious?!" and then followed with laughter. This did not really help my self-esteem.