I am so sorry that you have been through such a difficult series of experiences, iamquaker. Maybe head over to the PTSD board and see if there is anything there you might find helpful or interesting. I know the people there will support you, as will everyone here at PC in my experience.

That said, just want to quickly address the addiction thing. I nearly died from an addiction to an OTC item. The fact that no prescriptions was required is irrelevant. It was and is shockingly dangerous, this drug. When you downplay the significance of your OTC addiction, you are minimizing and that is not a sign of recovery and ownership. Similarly, downing a pint of anything is most definitely not a sign of good recovery. So, you may have some work to do there and that may be part of why your partner was so pissed at you. You might want to look into that. Not judging you. I am certainly in no position to judge anyone with my history. But I do know a fair bit about recovery and you don't sound like a person who is entirely in recovery. Could be wrong, but that is just my observation.

I like the saying above. If it is meant to be, it will be. Work on your own health. Deal with that PTSD. That recovery. You have the rest of a long life ahead of you. Try to see that. And things will slowly get better.