I get it. I want to say screw her and just leave. But there's also the group, which I loved. It's a private DBT program and I have been spending a ton of money and time going to it. I think that it was my text messages that did it.

Here is what I said. Mind you this is DBT so phone coaching is acceptable and she gave me her number to text. First I had called her to say that I was worried that she was mad at me and what skill could I use to help me with that. And I told her that I had been expecting her to teach me something about wise mind the next time because she said she would. So she said

"Good Morning -- I am not mad at you. I am proud of all you are doing. This is a journey. I can certainly record a message for you to listen to between sessions. Let's start with that next session. My apologies that I did not focus on teaching wise mind. I promise you will learn to get there."

So I said "Thank you. There were major problems for me last session. I'm not blaming you. But at the same time it never works for me to not address it. I also understand that this could be frustrating for you to have me be so sensitive." I really had no idea what we were doing yesterday. I didn't know if we were doing a chain or if you were just trying to get me to experience emotions. Or if you were trying to point out my assumptions. It was really fast. Remember when my emotions are high I can't process quickly. I really need to ask you again to be more collaborative with me when we are doing sessions. I need you to explain more what you are doing and why. Also, can we do an agenda? Can we take my current emotions into account when deciding how the session will go? If you are problem solving something can we work together on that? I'm not going to ask you to do supportive therapy or just validate me, but for me understanding and consent is really important and sometimes I have good ideas too. DBT therapy is a relationship between equals and I am making a huge commitment in time and money to do it. So I'm going to do whatever I need to to make it effective."

So then she said "I completely understand and agree. I am a DBT therapist. It's all I know how to do. So you can be assured we aren't doing supportive therapy. Let's talk more Tuesday. Just a reminder phone coaching and texting is to identify skills to bring in. Moving forward let's be mindful of that. I don't want to get burned out by answering too many texts or between session phone calls."

So then I said. "I understand that and don't want you to get burned out either. And at the same time when I explicitly asked you a few weeks ago if I am upset about something that happens in session if I should contact you or hold it in. You said I should contact you. So that is what I did. I am sorry if I was too long winded. I don't need to talk about it more right now. Thank you for not dumping me."

Then nothing for two days. Then this morning:

"Hi __ I wanted to send you a text prior to our next session to save you a trip to ___ next week as I know you have a long drive. After further discussion with my DBT team and activating my own wise mind, I do not believe I am the most effective DBT therapist for you. Please let me know if you would like some referrals for another therapist."

Then I begged and then she said we could talk more Tuesday, and maybe she'd take me back if we could figure out how to make it effective for both of us.

So did I do anything wrong or rude?