My oldest is familiar with my illness. She’s almost 12 and she can certainly tell when I’m up and even does fine with my bizarre behaviors. What she struggles with is firstly when I’m depressed and uncontrollably tearful and secondly when I’m very manic and become enraged. I don’t think it’s ever been directed at my kids (the only times I can ever remember being that angry with them they were little and I went in the basement and banged my head against the wall—equally insane) but I do lose my mind and since I am by nature an extremely patient person, it is shocking to her (to all three of them actually). Thank goodness it is rare! My oldest claims to not even remember the last time I was hospitalized and she was 6. My son has autism (although fairly mild) and I think his traits from this make my strange behaviors go straight over his head. He just doesn’t notice things until they are extreme. My youngest has just turned 6 so her reaction is closer to my son’s. But, she does worry. It gives her anxiety and when my husband tries to settle me or redirect something, she gets defensive about me.

My husband is a dictator about my showers. If I start to obsess over showers, he will time me and limit me to 2 half an hour showers per day. This is because I once took a 6 hour shower. I thought the shower water was holy water and the Holy Spirit was casting out demons. This scared the **** out of him and he is terrified most of all of this particular instance reoccurring. So now he immediately calls my pdoc if I start to obsess about water. I will also believe it’s Holy water I’m drinking and drink gallons a day. I know that when he’s not around I should also do the 1/2 hour timer but it’s so hard to do when all of me is saying otherwise.

My husband works on the weekends. But, my mom lives around the corner and helps out if I need it when he’s working if I’m not well (and sometimes when I am well because she’s awesome like that. &#128525!