Hi iamquaker,

I'm so sorry you have experienced bullying to the extent that you have. I think that bullying can cause ptsd. i also want to acknowledge the sexual abuse you have been through. I'm so sorry and it was not your fault.

It sounds like you are having trouble moving on from your ex (ex wife? Or separated?). It sounds like you may want to work on yourself more first. It also sounds like she is not good for you and there's conflicts between you two. If you do get back together, I'd suggest marriage counseling.

Just a thought, you can love someone and have trouble letting go, and also know they are not right for you anymore. Could that be the case? Whatever you decide, please be kind and gentle with yourself. You deserve it.

Another thought. Sometimes when making a decision about someone I think: " if its meant to be, it will be." I find that it takes the pressure off and I also find it true.

Take good care.