Part of today’s session

T: You’re looking very worried today, Em. Could you tell me what’s going on?

Me: I’m fine

T: *jokingly* Oh it’s going to be like that today is it?

Me: Gotta make you work for it sometimes!

T: Today is the first time in a long time that you haven’t looked up at me.

Me: *sighs* We still have 46 minutes. There’s still time.

T: I know the past week has been difficult for you. You described it pretty clearly in your email. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to re—

Me: *interrupting him* Oh stop it. I don’t expect you to answer my emails. You don’t have to worry about my feelings or apologize. It’s fine.

T: I usually answer

Me: What’s your point?

T: My point is, You reached out and I wasn’t there for support. And I don’t mean this in a logical/rational way. I know you understand it intellectually. But it seems to me that this has brought about certain feelings. Is that fair of me to say?

Me: I’m confused. Did you not reply on purpose or something?

T: No

Me: Then why are you bringing this up?! Why is this an issue? I don’t care if you don’t answer. You have a life. You’re busy. I don’t expect you to reply to me.

T: Why don’t you expect it?

Me: *getting incredibly frustrated* because you don’t have to! You don’t need to consider me. No one has to. I don’t need the attention!

T: Do you not think you are deserving of attention?

Me: Why are you making such a big deal about this?

T: Em, for the last few weeks we have been working on your self-worth and the shame you feel. I suspect this is all connected. Now of course, I could be terribly off. But I think it would help if we explored it a little bit. Is that something you would be okay doing?

Me: *starts sobbing out of nowhere*

T: Would it be helpful to you if I tell you what I think is happening?

Me: *nods*

T: Okay. Tell me if I am totally off, but I think that often, when you feel like you are taking up someone’s time, or someone’s space, or if you are needing someone’s attention, you feel selfish. You have been told that these feelings are wrong. So when you want to advocate for yourself, you shut it down immediately. You start thinking that you’re needy or asking for attention.

Me: Sounds accurate

T: Em, being needy and asking for attention are not bad things.

Me: I do genuinely understand that you can’t reply to everything.

T: I know that.

Me: But I suppose I did feel even more alone during a very difficult week.

T: You don’t need to do this if you don’t want to, but could you maybe look up at me if you can?

Me: *sighs and slowly looks up*

T: Em, I am genuinely very sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me.