I didn't tell you this but while I was waiting at the door part of me was thinking 'text her and tell her you're outside. Maybe she hasn't heard the door or something. Just let her know you're there.' But another part, a younger part, said 'Don't be stupid. She doesn't care or want you there. If she won't answer the door then just go. It just proves you don't matter.' So guess which part won? I could have stayed in the adult and just sent a cheery text to you saying 'I'm here T and you're not answering...everything ok?' but that would have been the easy thing to do. The rejected child came out for a reason and now she doesn't feel heard because although you apologised you were quick to say it's my brain doing this to me and none of it is real. The fact is, in that moment it was real to the child and she is wanting you to know the anger and pain but feels you're not going to listen and therefore it's pointless. I've had this with other ts before but never with you...until now. I feel so awful I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like walking away but I know that will just hurt me.