Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilfae
It sounds like it's difficult for you to find an other job and a new place to live, is that so? You really shouldn't have to put up with your sister's behaviour. Could you just stop cleaning up after her? Do you think she would clean up after herself if you just left the mess for long enough? Or would it just make your home unbearable to live in? I understand very well that you're angry. Anything you can do to take care of YOURSELF, you should do. You deserve so much better than this!
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Yeah. I haven't been able to find another job and I own 50% of the family home so I can't afford a second home. I did stop cleaning up after her for a while and she would actually leave dog poop on the carpet for months. I ended up having to replace the flooring because I was afraid to walk through the house.
When my health was bad and I couldn't clean as much, her dirty bedding sat in the hallway outside her bedroom door for a few years. I found out eventually that my health problems were caused by her pouring her unfinished water from the previous day into the coffee maker reservoir, which was causing me chronic food poisoning that made me so tired that I thought I was dying. We had a huge fight when I told her to stop doing it and I've been feeling better since and trying to get my life back on track.
Earlier this year I stopped trying to wash all the dishes because her dog's special diet increased the amount of dirty dishes she was producing. When I confronted her about not cleaning up after cooking and serving 5 meals a day for her dog, she claimed that I always leave dirty dishes just because I stopped washing up after her for a little while. During this time I stashed a few clean dishes in my bedroom so I wouldn't have to do dishes when I was really hungry or thirsty after work or yardwork.
I am recognizing more and more that my sister's behavior is a result of some mental illness and since I can't get out, I'm trying not to take her verbal tantrums personally (easier said than done) and try to impose some rules about her leaving her dog's mess everywhere. I noticed the pattern that she will deny and accuse me of doing whatever she has done, but over time some changes do occur, like she no longer leaves dog poop on the floor, just pee which freaks me out less. I'm working on making it not seem normal to leave one's dog pee to dry into a brown crust all over the home. I know she feels judged and mistreated when I demand that she behaves like a normal person and that's why the atmosphere has become so toxic. I think I made some progress lately though.