I think that if you are ever feeling actively suicidal, you should go to the hospital. Call 911 and they will take you there. You are a danger to yourself. I think you should tell your parents about all of this. I think you are most likely experiencing major depression. I am so sorry you feel like a burden! This is most likely depression. It has taken over your mind. Please do not kill yourself! It may not seem like it now, but there is a LOT to live for. We are here on psych central. Counseling is also a good option. You are NOT alone. You are never alone in this even when you feel you are. Please tell your parents.