My life fell apart years ago
I completely isolated myself after losing my job and break with my first boyfriend. We had been together 3 years and a half
But there wasn't really love... that's the truth
I was 25 and had the classic crysis you can have at that point of your life (I'm 31 now)
I started to go down mentally

I think about it now.
I don't want to find an "escape goat", at all. I'm responsible of what happened

But I can't believe that my sister didn't do really anything
I don't want to be offensive, she's a good person. But she's emotionally immature.
It's "complicated". There are some reasons to me to get triggered

My family has been problematic, I was(am) the youngest
I fought to fix the situation, but not enough, not in the right way

I seriously can't believe that I'm still here after destroying myself so much
I feel humiliated. Also crazy things happened in the last two years

I was a curious person, interested in things
I became a so called hikikomori, as an adult
The last three years I developped psychosis

It's been so much and I can't get out of it

Til a certain moment I used to be quite ok, active
I travelled, I worked, and I tried to be caring
But couldn't focus enough

I find it hard to be taken seriously now and it's also that i feel guity and deal with regrets

Sorry
I'm just beyond