@maybeblue

There are a lot of therapists who are trained in DBT as well as other things. They even have a DBT for those with obsessive-compulsive issues, which differs a bit, I think. I've met so many who have been trained in DBT and CBT - trauma and dissociation - not so much. So, there are other options! They even have DBT at the VA for a lot of veterans. Even though it doesn't work for me, it works for a lot of people like you, other veterans I know, etc. You really do have options in that area.

I took DBT for a year about 15 years ago; it was NOT administered properly, so I cannot speak to its efficacy for me. For others I've known at the VA, it works great for them. It's administered by a team of two T's, and everyone has their own individual T. Every group and T are run differently. For veterans, there is no texting. There's different online apps that anyone (including you) can download for different things. I think the VA has a PTSD app, a mindfulness app, and some other apps that are completely free to use. But no texting, no online support groups, just the app. The apps are kind of cool, and you pick and choose what works for you. Ideally, you'd show your T your progress on the apps and other homework.

Anyway, your T is not the only T in your area that has skills in DBT; chances are, there are other T's in your area (maybe not other groups, but you can always ask). Some people do DBT without a group, too. You can maybe go on the BPD forum to ask some of the others for tips, suggestions, etc. They would have more expertise in DBT in that forum, I'm sure, since DBT was initially created for BPD, but has been extended to many other areas of mental illness today. It works for some, but not for others. For you, it sounds like it is something you are benefiting from, and that's awesome!

You're brave for facing your T. That's good! Just be prepared for potential gaslighting, and what you would say in response to that without reacting too harshly or self-defeating (i.e., blaming yourself). For example, if you face her and she apologizes, that's great. But if she says something like, "You didn't respect my boundaries; you texted too much; you weren't mindful about how your actions would affect me; I was using my wise mind to end a toxic relationship you started" - meaning you, the client, then those words in whatever shape or form they come out will probably cause a bunch of emotions within you, and those emotions may be too strong for you to proactively assert your own boundaries and the wrong that she had done, though you may be able to say those things while screaming or crying or making threats or whatever other reactive emotions that can occur when someone gaslights you, or you will take all the blame, cry, walk out, and feel sui from that situation - those are all potential reactions that can happen when a T is gaslighting you, even if there is some truth embedded within a lot of victim-blaming on the client, when the client was NOT at fault for everything.

So, the best way to prep for gaslighting is to do what lawyers do: Have a mock trial, only, with the DBT skills you've learned. Since I don't know much about DBT (I mainly know CBT), then you can ask others here on PC who may know about DBT. If you make a post in the BPD forum, you're likely to get more responses than here in the Psychotherapy forum, unless there's some forum for DBT that I'm unaware of, in which case, try there. Of course, we'll still respond here to you (((safe hugs))), but if you want more direct support for DBT, especially in this case, I'd try posting in a different forum where others are likely to catch your thread and respond more quickly.

I hope my responses don't frustrate you, but I'm doing the best I can with limited knowledge. I care though. I don't want to see you hurt by that T. I'm sure your husband feels the same way, maybe, which I'm basing on one of your posts where you said your husband was "pissed." I hope your husband can help you face the T when you go there together.

More power to you for being brave. Just prepare in advance to do the best you can do with the skills you have now. Prepare in advance for any response, and assert yourself with boundaries of your own - for you!