So I was talking to T on Monday about how I feel with her going away for 2 weeks starting next week. All the usual frustrations and angers and fears were abound within me.

I told T she cannot take away my previous experiences, she cannot take away the rut I am stuck in concerning her going away and coming back and my survival during this.

T said, well when you look at something head on like that it seems like a big problem, but what your feeling isn't the only thing, theres the reality that you do get through my being away, and I do come back, and things have got easier for you.

I say WHAT!, you mean, I'm sitting here talking about fears? T says, yes, fears and fantasys. I said, oh hang on a minute, you mean that other thing, that hangs just out of my vision, that feels flimsy and light-weight, that is reality? A place where I do get through things and nothing too bad happens? T said, yes.

Whhooaa, Alice in Wonderland I am, I saw the door to the other world I enter. T said, its true we cannot take away other experiences, but we can create new experiences to take the focus of the old ones..

Whhoaa, you mean that place where your stomach feels like your about to go on a big-dipper ride? thats what being vunrable feels like?..whhhooaa, man I've been entering the world of monsters and demons thinking I am controlling my life...