Hi there ~

I have OCD, as well as an eating disorder, so while my experience is different than your daughters, it may help you understand her better. I'll do my best.

People with OCD know that their fears are irrational, which is one of the most frustrating parts of the disorder. For example, my OCD centers around contamination fears. I know that if I touch the ketchup bottle and lick my hand afterwards, I'll be fine, but my brain does something like this: what if someone handled raw meat (salmonella, e coli) and then touched it? Or cleaned that cat litter box (gross) and touched it? Or touched lettuce, which could have e coli, then touched it? Probably none if it's true, but my point is that the obsessive thoughts will. not. stop. After this, I do whatever compulsion helps me relieve my anxiety. Usually, it's washing my poor, dry, bleeding hands.

There are other weird ticks I have that seem more related to your daughters issue of needing something to be 'just right'. If it's not just right, it feels like a horrible itch growing stronger and stronger and you want to scratch it and 'fix' whatever is wrong. Some people have it with symmetry, others with organization...your daughter is showing it with food, and now relationships. OCD is insidious and slowly infects your whole life. I really hope she can eventually speak with a professional about this, because OCD is so difficult to conquer on your own.

I don't know you or your daughter and I'm going out on a limb here: your daughter is not dissatisfied with food, she is compulsive about it. Her OCD is manifesting as compulsively preparing and arranging her food. Does she feel like something 'bad' will happen if she doesn't preform these rituals (for example: I personally cannot eat meat, because I am terrified it will be undercooked and have e coli or salmonella or SOMETHING that will give me the stomach flu). How does she feel when she abstains from the rituals? I'm guessing that she does not want to be this way and would prefer to order a salad without feeling anxious or bad about it.

A lot of therapists will recommend exposure therapy. You can google it, it's basically doing tiny things that make you uncomfortable (not preforming certain rituals) until the anxiety and 'itch' goes away. Don't attempt it without a professional though.

I don't know everything about OCD, but what I've written here is through my own experience wrestling with it. If there's anything I can say or explain to help, just let me know.