Having certain expectations or standards doesn’t make one selfish. It makes one aware of what works for them and doesn’t.

You don’t have to own a person to have dealbreakers. I don’t own my husband but him sleeping around wouldn’t be something I’d be interested in (if he expressed such desire hypothetically).

Honestly it’s important to know yourself and your own nature. If you are into whatever stuff, then pursue it. But if you aren’t into it, forcing it on yourself to prove something or pursue life style of someone else’s choice isn’t going to work long run