As hard as it is and as much of a pain in the backside as it is, you must get yourself a proper medication regimen going. It is just too dangerous otherwise. Please make an appointment. There are meds that work. I have struggled with bipolar depression for most of my life. We finally found something that worked when I was 44. Don't wait that long.

Hang in there. There is help available. You just have to find what that is for you.