Hi I am so sorry you are going through this! I get it! This feeling of being lost, confused, alone... because even if you try to share with others (even your own therapists), true understanding is lacking... Here's a book that HELPED me TREMENDOUSLY! HEALING FROM HIDDEN ABUSE by Shannon Thomas, LCSW. Based on what you wrote in your post, I think this book will help you too! Not everything in it will apply, but a LOT/MOST will! And above all, this book will help you put one foot in front of the other and start over ever so slowly, but with JOY and new STRENGTH! It will also help you with finding words to describe the abuse and help your own therapist to navigate the horrible maze of PSYCHOLOGICAL abuse. Psychological abuse is different in many ways from other abuse, and is frequently misunderstood, which causes further trauma to survivors. Some of the hallmarks of psychological abuse are: confusion, complete exhaustion and a lack of understanding by others (including therapists) of what the survivor went through despite heroic attempts to extricate themselves. This book addresses all of it, and guides you step by step towards recovery. If you decide to read one book, read this one! I am thinking of you, please know that you are NOT alone! I am on the same journey as you are, and we will make it!