I was thinking about how I haven't spoken with my father for a long time. The last time was when he was in the hospital. I ended up yelling at him. I saw my brother not that long ago, and after our conversation it seemed that maintaining a distance from Dad was the right thing to do. I won't say I don't feel a little bad, but I don't believe contact does us any good. The story is a little more complex than it may seem.

Since my mother died about 14 years ago, my brother has cooked/hosted Christmas meals at my father's house (he lives with him). He told me that he is discontinuing that practice. For some years now my husband and I go to Florida for Thanksgiving. We don't have family there, we just "get away". Thanksgiving meals here in NJ, in my family, have faded away. My dad was even going out with his girlfriend, before she dumped him. For a while, I had been hosting a small Easter meal,but only with my brother, father, and his then girlfriend. Now I don't want to do Easter anymore, unless I just invite my brother. I don't need a drunken man slurring words and then demanding my brother take him home 15 mins after arriving. As for my sister, she has her own unique situation. I can't invite her because my brother-in-law wouldn't come. She can't host dinners, because her house is one step from being a hoarding house (my remaining nephew and b-i-l cause that). The idea of a "Family Holiday Dinner" is likely deceased. If I invite only my brother and not my dad, that would be a much more direct snub. As it stands, avoidance is just....happening.

I was thinking of maybe just inviting my sister and brother only, sometime in early-mid December, to celebrate both of their birthdays plus Christmas. Not on their birthdays, though. Maybe that would suffice and make us feel a little better? Dad doesn't even have to know. By then, I should have some Christmas cookies made to give them and maybe a Bishop's Bread.