I have totally been in the place you are now in. Many, many, many times. I won't preach. I became horribly addicted to opiates. The primary reason it was so hard for me to stop using was that the particular drug I was dependent on really helped my depression. Quitting that drug was unbelievably hard. It was like a double-whammy. I had to deal with all the withdrawal stuff, plus my depression became just totally out of control. But I did it and I am now 11 years sober. I treat my bipolar depression with more traditional things now, even though it is at times brutally hard.

You are in a very difficult situation. You are dependent on your Vicodin. You need it to get through the day. And I would only say that, when you start spending time planning out how many pills you are going to have and when you are maybe going to run out, well, that reminds me a lot of me. I'm so sorry.

The last thing I would say is that there are potentially very serious legal consequences to receiving your BF's opiates. Not preaching here, but it is way against the law. I know someone who used to carry her BF's Adderall because he was a recovering addict. Everyone knew this was the plan, treatment team included. Well, she got pulled over for speeding and, lo and behold, they found the Adderall that was not hers. She tried to explain why that was. The cop, like most cops, was smart and so he asked her whether her urine would contain Adderall if they tested it. Busted. She was taking the BF's Adderall on the DL. Legal consequences. So, I hope your relationship with your BF is rock-solid, because I don't want you to have to deal with that mess.

Said I wouldn't preach and I won't. I'll just say I am extremely worried about you and I am heartbroken, as someone who has been there, that his is your life right now. It doesn't have to be this way, just know that. Sending you prayers and love and positive vibes.