I worried not only that my mental illness has affected my child rearing but I am more concerned that I passed those genes along to my children. Since my kids are all older 21, 18, and twin 15; I am paranoid that they will wrestle with the depression and anxiety and not ask for help.

I think that the thing that I did best, other than telling them a million times a day that I love them, like them and truly enjoy their company, was that I allowed an open dialog at all times between us. I let them know that I loved them with all my heart and soul and that I always have their best interests at heart. I let them know that I’m human, I make mistakes, and I try very hard not to make the mistakes my parents did, but I am sure that I’m making new ones of my own. I allowed them to voice their opinions and had discussions on everything under the sun. I was honest with them about my disease and its symptoms.

When they were small and I was depressed, I would make that quiet snuggle time. It gave them the attention they needed and made me feel better too. Those times when mommy was really sad, they would crawl into bed with me, they’d take turns telling stories.

When I was manic, I always knew that the darkness was coming again, so I’d make “rainy day” kits of things that they’d love to do, that required me only to say “oh how beautiful” when I was depressed. The arts and crafts store, a plastic table cloth (for the floor) and a plastic table and chairs are a depressed mom’s best friend.

I’m at the stage of my life that I can look back and see the mistakes I made. But I can honestly say that I didn’t make any more or less than any other parent, I of course wish that I had the opportunity to change those things. My husband and I have made the children the focus of our lives. They have always known that we love them more than anything and have spent every free minute of our lives with them. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband that picked up the slack and did not find it a chore.

The tables are turned now, we have to beg them to free up their schedule to spend time with us. I have four wonderful children, and it can’t all be chalked up to luck. If you give your child love and boundaries the rest will fall into place. I think that a great deal of us with mental health issues compensate by really focusing on our children. I was always amazed by friends/co-workers that wanted to spend their downtime doing activities without their kids. I wonder what kind of a parent I would have been without my mental health issues, I wonder if I would have been one of those parents that thinks that weekends are for parties and the kids get a sitter.