I’m at a crossroad in my relationship and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 1.5 years, and it’s my first relationship (I’m 21). We’re both women, if it matters, and she’s 25. I love her so much, and she loves me too, and we’re best friends and can always laugh and have fun together.


But we have problems. The biggest one is that there’s no romance or passion in the relationship. We’ve talked about this, and while she agrees on the passion part, she doesn’t seem to think we lack romance, which is probably because I organize date nights and cute events to go to with her. But I’m really resentful that she doesn’t ever pick up the slack and take ME somewhere. I’m making the decisions (restaurants, which night, should we even go out at all) and I feel like the burden to get out of the house is always on me. We’ve talked about this and she’s going to try to make an effort but I don’t know.


The second issue is sex. I’ve been the only one to initiate anything for 9 or 10 months, save for once last months because I told her she needed to do this once and a while, because I want to feel desired too. And when we do have sex, it isn’t passionate...it’s plain, and I’ve tried to spice things up several times with little reaction from her... I even tried that “mojo upgrade” quiz and she says she’s interested in new stuff but never INITIATED anything, whether it’s sex or something new. Again, the burden is on me.


The last thing is that I’m constantly cooking for her and she doesn’t help or clean or ever make me food. She cleans the room to compensate, but I clean the room too, so. Lately I’ve stopped cooking because I don’t even eat what I’ve made her (eating disorder, blah blah too depressed).


I get mad at her a lot because I’m resentful of all this. On top of it, i also feel like her career coach because she’s 25 and is still working in fast food (not that there’s anything wrong with this, but it’s not what she wants) and seeks out my counsel a lot about what to do. It’s too much for me, I have my own life and problems to solve and I don’t mind giving her advice, but she just plunges into things without thinking and I’m worried she’s going to waste tons of money in student loans because she’s not thinking things through.


And I’m not sure if I wanna stay with her. She is my best friend but I often feel more like a sister or a friend than a girlfriend. I love her so much but I would also love to have a partner that seemed more self sufficient. I know how harsh that sounds. I feel terrible writing it.


But I don’t want to be angry with her and hurt her just because I’m too afraid to leave. And she’s really great in some other ways and is so tolerant of all my mental health problems. I wish things were better. And I need some outside advice or words of wisdom, because if this relationship does need to end, I want it to end nicely. She’s a good person and doesn’t deserve to hurt.


Thanks for reading. I know it’s long.