@LundiHvalursson

Some women like "weird," and some women like being "weird" themselves. Don't put yourself down for being "weird." The thing is, communication is key to make that "weird" trustworthy, instead of a person who is quiet and "too mysterious." Women are cautious these days (due to being targets of so much harassment, victimization, etc.), so it isn't that they don't like weird, it's that the statistics for women being victims are so high that they just need to be able to communicate well with a potential partner and feel safe, understood, etc. You can still be shy and introverted, but you can also communicate your trustworthiness by stating to them what you like, even if it not mainstream. For instance, I'm "weird," but I like that about myself. I like wacky, silly, funny things, but I also like being a recluse at times. When I used to date, I'd explain that I'm more introverted than extroverted, and that I need my me time. Some guys were put off by that, some guys were okay with that. Many guys were not my type either. And this was before I became disabled.

I've spent some time in both So. and No. Cal. I can agree with you there about the "fake." Nevertheless, there are many people who are not "fake." It's a matter of finding the right circles that match your interest and are very welcoming, especially for introverts. Things like events open to the public at universities might help, or even book events. Additionally, and what is most important here, is that it is healthy to have a circle of friends (both male and female) who are your social capital, and it is healthy to meet a young lady who also has a healthy circle of friends/social capital. Those friendships will help in times of need or times when relationships get tough. It also demonstrates that you are trustworthy to a potential mate, especially if you do jive with a person you date and later, on like the fifth or so date, you can introduce her to your friends. You may need to take some steps for you before approaching the dating field, only so that you are more secure in what you like. You mentioned that you like to dress up like other famous people, which is okay, regardless of what other people think. Your style is your style. Own it. When other people make fun of you, counter it with, this is me, and I like it, so I will sport it the best way that I could. However, if you're dressing to impress but it isn't your style, then switch it up and find what works for you. You are the important one here. The right kind of woman for you will like your style because you like your style, and she will be into you, not some money or status quo look. But, it doesn't hurt to have friends who are truly your friends and will be there for some helpful advice. It also helps if you are the advice-giver for other friends as well. I know with mental disabilities it is hard, but it isn't impossible. Introverts have friends, but they just need more alone time than most. Having other introverted friends may be helpful. Therapy could actually help with all these things, as well as support groups. But so can finding things you enjoy, like academic conversations. Maybe attending conferences, where other academics as well as future scholars (those on the PhD track) will align with your interests in academic conversations. How do I know this? That's hopefully the track I'll be on in the next 4 to 5 years, but I've met many of those people, and I, myself, like academic conversations - right now, because I like to learn (I don't know much), but later, because those are the conversations I want to be good at with others whose interests are the same.

That's great that you're self-aware to know what you want in a relationship and who are the incompatible ones! That said, opposites do attract, and some healthy relationships can arrive out of those who are opposite; they're not necessarily incompatible. Nevertheless, if you prefer another quiet, shy, introverted type, that's awesome! There are many women who are into literature, academics, and not necessarily the PhD tract (which would take a huge chunk out of their family time and oftentimes comprise some levels of extroversion). You can find them in various circles, and they need not have a degree. Perhaps writing a list down of what you're looking for in a woman would help. The point is not to find a "perfect mate," but rather someone who is perfect for you, with all their imperfections. Some of those imperfections might be great for your relationship, and whatever differing qualities you both have might complement both of you. Again, the best relationships begin first with friendship, and most healthy, long-term relationships comprise having a social network that combines your friends with your girlfriend's friends. It would help if you started seeking friends first, and really figuring out your style. You can boost your self-esteem while still being a quiet, shy introvert. You need not be fashion savvy to find a mate, either. You have many qualities that are attractive to some women, and I'm sure you'll find many qualities that you're attracted to in some women. You are self-aware, but you need to be proud of what your self has to offer.

The women who insulted you may not be your friends. They may be the wrong crowd to ask for advice. Some women might actually find those styles you mentioned attractive. As I stated above, the point is whether you like those styles or whether you are dressing to impress. If you like those styles, keep them, and wear them proud! Self-esteem doesn't matter what other people thing; what matters is what makes you happy. Sometimes our mental illness gets in the way of being able to read others or even ourselves, but you seem very intelligent and self-aware. You also know what you want and don't want. You can find friends and mates who align with your interests and styles. It may be challenging when our interests aren't mainstream, but they still exist. I have to start over with making friends, and it is a long and arduous process for me because of my disabilities. Nevertheless, I begin with neighbors and move outward over time. I don't rush into anything. I do what I can to discover more of who I am and what I like. You can do these things, too. It's not a matter of quitting; it's a matter of time and trying out new things, even though you're introverted. Technically, I'm both introverted and extroverted, but I lean more towards introversion these days. I'm proud of it, and I like it, no matter what others say.

You'll get there. Keep reaching out. There's always us on the PC boards, including me. I'm 45, so I'm 15 years your senior. Nevertheless, I can try to help out where possible. Hopefully some other people on PC can help, too, because I don't know all the answers.

Thank you for being brave enough to share all of this! Please keep us posted on your progress. Don't give up. Weird is good!