My POV is that you are angry for a reason and you have to figure out what it is and acknowledge it. Then, you have to find meaning in life which is so hard for so many people with mental illness.

I found this podcast very helpful (Inside Schizophrenia: Motivation in Schizophrenia) - even if you don't have schizophrenia because lack of motivation is a feature of so many types of mental illness. Unfortunately, many people with mental illness do not have the support that Rachel has so they find themselves totally disconnected and alone. It is sad. I am sorry that you deal with sadness in your life so much.

Do you have good days sometimes? Do you have any goals?