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Hey So leigheas, When I read your post I hear major depression speaking.
I think it might just be a good idea to connect with a new pdoc asap. I truly don't believe that your so-called "non-compliance" will be a focus of the new pdoc. That you had a breakdown will be the focus.
I know all about the suicide or benzo urge. Miserable place to be.
Do you think you can consider the idea of finding another psychiatrist? I know how terribly hard it is to keep trying to connect when you are feeling like the last thing you want to do is something extra. But January really is too long to wait.
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