what's up guys? i'm 23 and had some hard times. nothing compared to most, but hard for me. my gf of two years i found out was cheating on me for the past four months. she was very appologetic and gave me all the reasons why she did it and how it was the worst mistake of her life, etc, etc, etc. she wants to be with me but i simply can't get past what has happened. i know it probably won't happen again in the future but i can't be with a girl that would do that.

so that's enough background info i think. i'm also working part time and going to school 16 credit hours. i just dumped my gf today.

about 3 weeks ago, i felt like i was going to die. i was questioning everything around me. i was thinking about matter, our spot in the universe, how we can interpret language, what if my brain forgets how to tell me to breath? we're not here for a long time, what is our existence worth?

i was asking a lot of unanswerable questions like that. i'm the type of guy that likes to have answers for everything. i've been that way all my life.

after a few moments, i realized my heart was beating at a rate i've never felt before in my life. my hands and feet broke out into a cold/wet sweat. nothing seemed real. i had a HUGE fear that i was going to die and i was almost 100% certain i was going to die. it felt like my body was just going to give up.

that was the scariest day of my life. ever since then, i've been trying to fight them off. i've had about 3 more in the past 3 weeks since this has started. but i fight them off nearly every day. also, i still don't feel like i'm in touch with reality. it's just a weird feeling. any advice?

oh yea, i do have a doctors appointment for this thursday. i hope it goes well. i just hope i'm not insane.