@LundiHvalursson

I will respond in a second. This is a great thread/post of yours because it helps me to understand better, and hopefully it will help some other people struggling with similar things.

I just want to say, thank you for replying. I will reply soon, as I want to slowly read what you wrote so that I don't miss anything when I respond.

PS: I left California for a lot of the reasons you bring up. I've never been able to live in Northern Cal. because it is too expensive; I used to live in So. Cal only. I moved out of state back in 2006 and never returned. I have some friends and family there, the healthy ones, that is, but they live in So. Cal. Northern Cal is a bit too upper-class for me; I don't know their culture yet. It sounds painful what you went through/are going through. It kind of reminds me of that movie, "The Social Network." Anyway, my ex went to Stanford. He was balding, but I didn't care. I loved his weirdness and found his differences attractive. Unfortunately, my diseases were too hard to manage, and I didn't want my ex to be unhealthy. My ex had a hard time with some mental illnesses, and he really had a hard time at Stanford, for many of the reasons you mentioned. I love my ex, but I truly wish he would find another woman who is healthier than me and whom he could share a long life with. He understood why I chose to be asexual, but it wasn't easy for him. He also is a commitaphobe, which I understood. He is 50 now. He is also bisexual and non-monogamous, which wasn't something that worked for me. Anyway, the point is that I understood his pain and the issues he had faced at Stanford many moons ago, like 30 years ago. It still affected him. He wound up being happier living in a different state. He's a professor at a community college. He feels depressed at times, but he's learned to embrace his sexuality while also seeking therapy to help him with the next steps. He's cute in my eyes; I found him handsome.

You are so young, and have your whole life ahead of you. My hope for you is that one day you'll reply back to the threads and tell us of your wedding plans. Until then, hang in there.

I'll write more later on, but I thought I'd share this quick note from the little that I did read in your reply. I want to read your reply slowly so that I can respond better than this. Stay tuned...