Mickey - I'm often in the same boat you're in. My husband goes through episodes where he contributes practically nothing. These episodes coincide with his depression and anxiety levels. The pressure from me to get off his butt only makes it worse. He responds best to compassion and empathy - criticizing, threatening, or nagging him just seems to sink him in deeper.

A different way to look at your wife:
- you can enjoy life and feel proud of your accomplishments; she can't. How must that feel to her?
- you can know the pleasure of waking up early in the morning, and enjoying a cup of coffee while listening to the birds sing. Can she know that kind of pleasure?
- you have the peace of mind knowing that you're handling your life responsibly. How bad does she already probably feel about herself, not being able to say the same thing?
- if you need something from across the room, you just get up and get it. How lethargic must she feel to not be able to do that for herself? Can it possibly feel good to have so little energy?
- what does she look forward to in the next day? the next week? What if you had nothing to look forward to? That would be an awful feeling!
- your mind can be at ease, knowing that you're a good role model for your kids. Imagine the guilt she must feel for not being a good role model, and imagine how overwhelmed she must feel for not having the motivation to turn herself around.

She *does* sound depressed to me, Mickey. I can definitely relate to how TRAPPED you must feel in your situation, since I know all too well that you cannot MAKE another adult change at the drop of a hat. But in my husband's case, I know that he needs help and support more than he needs criticism, name-calling or judgment. I have never once called him lazy, because in my opinion, once he feels that I have labeled him, he'll have an even harder time rising above the label. I need him to know that I see him as temporarily struggling, but that there IS hope for him to feel better.

Good luck, Mickey. Remember compassion.