@LundiHvalursson

I read your reply. I will most likely read it again and respond to it in a few days.

But I wanted to say that you are well on your way to building your self-esteem, despite all of the meanness in SF. You know who you are and want you want; there are a lot of people who do not, so you are very fortunate in that area.

I'm a Gen-X person. I'm used to '80's and '90's music, LOL. But, I also like Simon & Garfunkel and a few songs from the Doors. I love the use of harmony back in the '60's. I don't know much about the '40's; that the era my parents grew up in (my parents are not Boomers, they are the generation before that, believe it or not). There's a song that has the phrase, "Tie that yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree..." that I absolutely love, but I'm not sure of its title or artist. I'm sure I can find it on YouTube. I also like some of Julio Iglesia's stuff, but I'm not sure why or how I liked those songs. I wonder if Doris Day is from the '40's? My parents were into her. The old black-and-white films are great; I remember those.

I would be considered impoverished in SF! Those figures scare me, LOL! And what the men go through regarding dating, my gosh, that is brutal! My ex makes $70k+ but lives in a different state. I never understood why he kept putting himself down since I thought $70k+ was "rich."

My ex would cry sometimes, and in my eyes, crying is a human thing, not just a "girly" thing. I have a hard time crying or showing emotion, but I am far from stoic. Still, I've met a really cool retired psychologist who loves the philosophy of stoicism, and yet, he is so caring and understanding to others. Being stoic isn't bad or wrong, it just requires a different communication style with those who are neurotic. Do not ever feel bad for crying! You are a real, strong person to be able to cry and to process your emotions that way. I have yet to be able to free myself in order to cry. It's a long story, but I think men who are able to cry and remain themselves are emotionally intelligent; they're not masking tears with aggression. And although we have to regulate our emotions in certain arenas, such as at work, etc., stoicism is probably another beneficial trait to have for such times. I've also seen male veterans and military personnel cry, and they are, for the most part, accepted in their communities; they are far from what some judgmental people would call "weak."

I speak with my mom all the time. I think it's cool when men still speak with their moms. Was she born in the 30s or 40s like my parents, or was she born in the 50s or 60s? I forgot if you had mentioned the year she was born. I think you mentioned that she is of the boomer generation. Those were cool gens, both the silent and the boomer. My half-siblings are boomers.

I recently took the PC personality tests and the disorder one. I'm highly neurotic, but I also scored high on conscientiousness and openness. For the disorders, I scored highest on schizoid and schizotypal or schizoeffective (I get those terms mixed up all the time); I could see how I would score high on the schizo-based personalities. I probably have more traits than clinical representations, but I enjoy being alone now, especially since I'm older and have all these physical illnesses. I supposedly don't show enough affect/emotions either, yet I'm neurotic (probably in my verbal expression). Go figure! I'm weird, but I like it.

I hope you have a good night! We'll chat more soon, I'm sure. I just need a few days to rest and get my apartment back in order.