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Originally Posted by rdgrad15
I've always wondered why some people will create different rules for different people. For example, someone may be okay with another person doing something but if it's anyone else, they get mad. Like, I once knew someone who would make inappropriate jokes that she thought were funny and she was okay with it when a couple other people would do that, but if anyone else did it, she would get mad at them and call them immature.
I know in some cases it is because someone may not feel as close to a person as they may to another one. But I've wondered if there are any other reasons, like possibly a form of control or something else. Just wondered.
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Because so many people are wildly different, human interaction is extremely nuanced, and if you tried creating a rigid values system for all the people you come across, you'd drive yourself mad. To an extent, we all make concessions for people we like. Everyone is a bit biased at times. It's good to be aware of it, especially when it comes to making a decision that could have widespread consequences (e.g. hiring incompetent people because they're your friends), but I wouldn't agonize over it such that you attempt to create a rigid values system for every casual acquaintance.
As for why, it could be several reasons. It could be deliberate manipulation. The classic example would be the person who laughs at stupid jokes because they want to have sex with the person making the joke, not because they think the joke is funny. It could be unintentional cognitive bias. Maybe you feel more of a connection with one person because you have a shared interest or you're in the same group or whatever, so you allow more stupid jokes from that person than you would otherwise. Usually, I think, it's just because you know the person better. I enjoy very dark jokes, but I wouldn't if it was coming from a stranger (unless it's a real zinger
), for obvious reasons.
On the other hand, I don't find anything wrong with this sort of behavior:
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist
You have no guiding principles or ethics or sense of what is the right way and what is the wrong way to treat humans. You go with the wind. Whatever happens to work in a given moment to get you what you want is what you do. Maybe you want or need something from the person or you expect something from them down the road, so you let them get away with making a bigoted remark.
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... but apparently:
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These manipulators are exerting their power by what they do. And I don't think they are very nice people.
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So probably I'm a bad person. I still think I'm right to an extent, and what's "appropriate" lies somewhere between me and bpcyclist. I'd be interested to see what others think.