Although baptized as an adult, I have been a Christian since childhood. I came to it on my own. No idea why. Made my mother furious when I would ask her to drive me so I could go to church--alone. It was just always important to me, from earliest years.

Between 2010 and 2012, I was abused and tortured by a group of detectives with our local police bureau. I had a prior history of physical and emotional abuse during my training years, but what these detectives did to me and my mental health was in a whole other stratosphere. Very, very long story, which I might possibly tell at some point. No charges of any kind were ever filed. In any event, what happened to me and most especially the reaction of those "in my life" to what I told them was happening to me (which was that I was an insane bipolar person who was permanently psychotic and inventing the entire thing), the sum total of all this was so totally devastating that I just gave up. I stopped praying and talking to God. Stopped believing He cared about me. Basically, my position was I loved Him, but He apparently did not care for me anymore. So, I lost my faith in 2011ish.

It took probably 3 years to begin to get that back. It was a lot of work. But now I'm pretty good. I still have horrible PTSD and I do, in fact, experience psychosis, some of it due to what happened to me. But I am carrying on. I survived it. And my relationship with God now has never been stronger.