Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer
Thanks for all of the hugs and support regarding my father. I know the saga regarding my dad has gone on for quite a while. My brother and I saw him this morning, but he was barely there. He was in and out of consciousness, probably a lot to do with all of the medications he's receiving. I do recall him saying that we should contact the mortuary. Great, huh? He also expressed sadness that none of his friends, like his former girlfriend, had visited him. First off, they can't visit him because only immediate family can do so in the ICU. Secondly, these "friends" don't want to visit him. Only my siblings and I have, but he doesn't really acknowledge that. It's not because he doesn't love us, but it's because we probably make him want to run away. You know, when a person is so very sick they want to run away from the people that TRULY care. I'm not 100% sure that he will remember that I visited. He looks like he's heading towards death, but that should hopefully change as he gets over the hump of his withdrawals. The question is if he will remain sober. I would put $100,000 on him not remaining sober. It's sad, but true. My brother is the most stressed out of us all. I really feel for him. My siblings saw Dad yesterday experiencing hallucinations. We told his nurse that a very significant issue for him is psych issues. Dad brushes them off, and when a hospital sees an elderly sick alcoholic, even they seem to ignore them. The fact is, he will never recover if he doesn't address his psych issues. He can never properly address psych issues if he doesn't stop drinking.
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I am very sorry for the pain involved in caring so much for someone who is too ill to help himself.
Many active alcoholics tend to abandon their "buddies" when one becomes extremely ill. I have seen this so often with friends of some of my family members. I am not sure as to why this is so predictable. I think, often, people have great difficulty being Present and difficulty in feeling the many feelings evoked. The active alcoholics I have known have had great difficulty dealing with feelings and they , therefore, numb themseles with alcohol. The active alcoholics I have known, just cannot cope well with feelings, inspite of their love for others. In fact, many of the active alcoholics I have known, care so very much they cannot tolerate the depth of their feelings, the degree of their pain.
I have great respect for you and your family and your willingness to continue caring. It's so often so tempting to shut out a destructive person and understanably so.
It was very challenging for me to recognize alcoholism as a true disease. I'd spent many years expecting my father (and others) to change. I'd felt strongly they could change, if only they'd wanted to do so. After many years of learning from AA, Alanon, ACOA, I'd finally realized that some of our loved ones, seriously afflicted by alcoholism, just could not "recover."
As you know, the likelihood of beating alcoholism is further challenged in those individuals suffering the effects of "dual diagnosis.," mental health challenges as well as addiction.
I know the pain is immense.
I admire your willingness to be Present for your father. You are very courageous.
At the same time, please continue to take care of yourself.
I hope and I pray for healing within the hearts of your entire family.
Much Love and Admiration
P.S. We've shared on this topic before. Please know you are very welcome to PM me anytime.