I have had a lot happen to me in the past month.
My sister in-law went snooping through my email. She went looking in my trash folder and sent folder and found where I had an affair. She then told my brother, her husband, her parents, my parents, his ex-wife and finally my wife. My wife went looking through my phone and saw text messages with a female friend that were inappropriate. In order to attempt to save my marriage my wife wanted me to end that friendship and seek help once again for my depression and suicidal desires. The 1st therapist I saw after 2 sessions recommended IOP (intensive outpatient program). I had been to a grand total of 4 sessions of IOP before they recommended inpatient. I told them I didn't want to go, but they kept on insisting. I finally told them I would kill myself before going back to inpatient. (Retrospect poor choice of words) They called the cops on me. I quickly left that facility only to realize the cops were about 10 seconds behind me. Fortunately that was enough time for me to quickly lose them. The cops went by my house and camped out there for a while. They then found out exactly where I work. (I work at FedEx and they have a massive presence here) They then called my work and eventually came by. Fortunately I was not around at the time. That all happened Thursday. For the next 2 days they constantly called both mine and my wife's phones. They called my wife again Monday and tried to make it sound like there had been a missing person's report filed. Yesterday I spoke with a lawyer who is attempting to resolve this on my behalf.
I really want to talk to my friend because she understands. My wife tells me "Well if everyone else is saying that you need inpatient then you should go." If my marriage fails then the only thing holding me back is courage. I just need to get the courage to take the final step.
It seems as if everyone thinks the only way to treat suicidal desires is to lock you up. That only makes things worse for me. I wish my wife would understand that I am beyond saving. Every time I reach out for help it turns out badly.