For several decades I have been appalled at the frequent use of the word “abuse” in articles and conversations, many by therapists, about human relationships. The word implies to me an attribution of fault or personal “badness” on the part of the person doing the “abuse” that I don’t feel is or may be necessarily justified, or accurate. Because, I guess, with things that my mother did to me and things I did to my children, I just do not feel inside, instinctively, that we could have done any better at the times. And after years and years of therapy and staring at and trying to “get in touch” with my evil impulses and faults – I do not believe I am in denial about these things. A social authority therapist may say I’m wrong, but I disagree and don’t have to accept their opinion.

So even though I have found the discussions about abuse and exploitation in therapy helpful, I think a focus on the hurt and harm and ways and how to overcome that could be more productive.

Here’s a well-researched list that has that focus. I think it may have appeared in this forum before, but I’ll add it here anyway.

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