Well as you know I'm absolutely with you on this. I don't know what brings on that elusive feeling either - if I did I would bottle it. I do know that T's hug (which she gives me at the end) does, but it's no longer the sole source and if I haven't felt the connection in the session prior to the hug I still leave feeling a little empty. But it would be a lot worse if she didn't hug me (she gives great hugs). I don't know what else because she's nearly always sensitive and empathic, keeps her attention always on me, etc. She seems to like me. She connects with what I'm saying and understands me. I can see and feel all those things, and yet don't always feel connected. I think maybe I just need her to tell me she loves me all the time???? Or maybe the connection is something I have to find within me (I hate that idea).

I don't have any answers either., Lrad. Many theories say it's the relationship that matters most in therapy and of course when the transference (past feelings) get triggered, the relationship takes centre stage. This description resonates with me but I still feel ashamed that the relationship is the most important thing and I'm way too embarrassed to tell T although I'm sure on some level she knows. I never had any overt sense that I was loved as a child so it may be that I'm looking for obvious signs from my T and that if I don't get this I feel awful and disconnected. It does feel like a guilty pleasure that I should get over and I've been feeling especially terrible this week about even going to her. But my life has been so lonely that it makes sense that I love seeing her and needing what I need. I fear losing the connection too and I get upset as the weeks go on that previous feelings of connection may disappear forever.