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and thinking that you are not worthy of being happy is one of those lies. I seriously doubt that you have brought "all this" upon yourself, nor do I believe that "this" is any punishment.

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But I'm not worthy. I've done so many horrible things.....what kind of wife and mother would leave her child at a drop-in daycare while Mom is off cheating on her husband with some man she doesn't even know that she met on the internet.

I've told so many lies, I don't even know what's the truth anymore. My whole life is just one big lie.

I left the church as soon as I graduated high school. I had my name officially removed last year, so they couldn't follow us when we moved. My daughter has never been "blessed" into the church.

But regardless of my disagreements with the church I was raised in....there is not a single religion out there that condones infidelity. I'm a sinner regardless of what God I want to believe in. Even if I get past the coffee and wine and casseroles and jello and stay-at-home-moms with a dozen kids...even if I realize that that all is just culture not doctrine, or even if I just let that all go and find something else...no matter what...it doesn't make what I did okay.

Oh and you know what's funny (but not). Maybe 10 years ago - I was playing the piano side of that song, Rapunzel. My high school choir sung the Forgotten Carols.

What the heck happened to me...right...