I was just officially diagnosed today ... had my suspicions for a longtime ... at any rate ... this thread is a huge help and I wanted to say thank you to Birdie and Open Eyes.

For me trying to focus on moving forward is the best. Having to think about traumas shuts me down. I try to read as many posts as i can, but so many of them hurt me ... I feel their pain and turn away. Hopefully at some point I will be more able to face emotional pain, but right now I am so raw. I feel silly sometimes because I'm 56 and my childhood traumas happened so many years ago, but I guess I never healed and now I have problems with my MS and I get triggered constantly.

I have been toying with studying a book called Waking the Tiger and I told the therapist today and he immediately said NO. He said my cortisol is already really messed up ... the only way I sleep is with Ambien. I'm not sure what he has planned, but i am going to mention the EMDR therapy. He did say that he would help me get better ... and I believe him. I got lucky today because I felt like he respected me and listened to me and that has never happened before. He didn't discount one single thing I said and seemed genuine and I feel I can trust him ... hope I'm not wrong. Honestly after suffering so many years I was so relieved to just have someone that believed me I didn't ask my normal twenty questions, but I will next time.

I have noticed that when I have dreams I feel so much more rested and in less pain the next day, but if I have nightmares (or nothing) I'm shot. My dreams seem to sort, and file, stuff that bugged me and it kind of gets put to bed so to speak (no pun intended ) so it doesn't keep eating away at my brain. Before all of this I never really thought about dreams much, or what their purpose was. Really interesting new territory for me and so glad you guys are discussing it because it's just what I needed tonight.

Okay enough rambling because I forgot my point. I guess just to say thanks for the great thread.