Your T sounds good. I like the fact that she doesn’t use the word “transference” because it does sound minimizing as you say. I think my T uses it because he knows I read a lot and I’ve used it before although when I’ve used it, I was probably trying to create distance or minimize my feelings. The reality of it, though, is when you feel the feelings they feel very real no matter where they may be coming from. Last week my T said he thought my feelings were stemming from my relationship with my father who was generally emotionally absent during my childhood and then took his life when I was a teenager. I asked my T how I can stop putting these feelings on him and he gave his usual answer, “we talk about it.” It sounds so simple, but I don’t often know how to do that or where to start. For me, it’s about not wanting to take up too much space which I may express by withdrawing or feeling guilt or shame about having needs among other things. It’s hard to do talk therapy under those circumstances.