oh my gosh, I work at this tiny restauraunt where I’m constantly surrounded by people—customers, coworkers. the space is so small everyone can see each other all the time, hear each other all the time. it’s completely my nightmare workplace, no space or privacy unless you go to the bathroom or hang out in the basement. And I just get in these places by the middle of the shift where Im barely able to function socially, at a job where you’re supposed to be so high energy all the time to feel truly successful. my social interactions become so forced at that point, i feel like I lose the ability to treat customers like normal people and i can’t even have conversations w my coworkers anymore. my head gets stuck in this negative place where i can‘t stop feeling like I’m failing socially, being super self-conscious of how im behaving and what im saying, feeling like i’m being so weird and awkward, and just wanting to go home so bad. I go so far with myself in this negative place im convinced nobody around me likes me, wants me here, they all think im ****** at my job, they all know im being so weird and awkward too, theyre all thinkin it, etc. and then im like ****, if they think that, theyre probably right and i just need to go home and never interact with anyone again because everyoned be better off not having to deal with me. etc etc
i know these are extreme thoughts but when i finally go to bed and wake up in the morning i still believe them.
so does anybody else have this kind of experience? feeling energy being drained from you because of your work environment and unable to cope?