(I private messaged this to Fern46 but will post it generally here also as i worry she may be too busy to respond in time.)

I've been trying to recover from my hypo-mania in September and my acute fear reaction in early October and subsequent exhaustion but life keeps getting in the way. Six issues have come up. I dealt with the medical, security and plumbing issues but three more are still clamoring for attention.

All i want to do is rest and relax and recharge and heal from intense-sensory-overload but things keep coming up and demanding my attention. Yesterday i was functioning so poorly that i wandered around in downtown rush-hour traffic for 2.5 hours from 6:00am to 8:30am all strung-out on sleep-deprivation looking for an address without my glasses as i couldn't find them and everything was blurry and it wasn't safe and i kept worrying i would make a miss step and get run-over.

I finally found the address only to be told that i needed an additional document to get the picture ID i need to unlock my bank account so that was a big SNAFU. To make matters worse i carried on to McDonald's to have greasy breakfast as i was starving but that was just another whole Hell of over-stimulation with the crowds and the cleaner throwing around heavy wrought-iron tables and chairs and making such a frightening amount of noise it got surreal.

I felt better once i ate but i still just should have come home and eaten what little food i have in the house in peace and privacy, even if it was just a bag of chips. I keep making these decisions that are not in my best interest and i can't seem to stop myself. I keep thinking that EVERYTHING is an emergency, when really, these things are urgent, but i can live off my credit card indefinitely (just transferring in my income thru online banking) and i have eleven more months to submit my travel cancellation insurance claim and i've lived without current ID for years and why is it suddenly a "crisis" NOW? Nothing *HAS* to be done right this second.

Yesterday i finally came home and rested / meditated for nine hours before i could function again. I'm having a quiet day at home today but want to go to a Halloween celebration tomorrow and my OA meeting on Monday.

What do you think? Should i cancel everything until i'm functioning again?

I don't really feel safe enough to leave my home at the moment after the horror of yesterday stumbling around in traffic. I don't feel i'm functioning well enough to cope with any more stimulation. I want to have the fun of tomorrow and the support of OA on Monday but feel it's a risk to go out when my consciousness is so shredded and i'm in such a precarious state. A psychologist once called me a "Crisis Junkie" and i think she is right. I just have to put my foot down and say STOP ALL THE STIMULATION even if it is good positive stimulation (fun and support). Stress is still stress even if it's positive stress.

It will still delay my healing if i put on a costume and take buses and participate in the Halloween celebration with the kids at the mall (going to be a "Mad Hatter's Halloween" with the longest table ever and should be hilarious, but do i really need that excitement NOW? There's always next year for Halloween).

OA will always be there. I don't absolutely need to go this week. I can miss a week. I have to go to deliver the key FOB but i can skeedaddle once i turn it over to someone else. That'll mean four buses round-trip but i could probably get it over with in 90 minutes and be home to peace and privacy and (hopefully, in time) sanity.

I guess i am just looking for support re making a decision to stay home and heal in peace and privacy and low-sensory-input. Everyone always says not to isolate and to reach out for support but i feel like if i have to look upon one more human face my head will explode!