Another survivor here. In my case, I am a fairly physically large male who allowed myself for years to be verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by my female 'partner.' Finally got out, before she could kill me, which is really, I think, where this thing was heading. Please, please, please leave while you still can. Not sure where you are in California, but I feel certain there is some support available to you not far from your location. Please look into this and take advantage of it. You are being mistreated. You deserve so much better. Sending you prayers and positive vibes.