I've been in treatment since 1990. Who I am now is not who I was 30 years ago. I would find it shaming to look back on my records from a time I was being sent to a state hospital. It does me no service to look at my records. Assuming they are even available. I know I was very ill at the time and 30 years later I have a life I could never have imagined. I don't understand the obsession about reading things about yourself when you were ill. It would make better clinical sense to ask your psychiatrist or therapist about your progress, prognosis, and hopes for the future. What some inpatient psychiatrist said about you in the past is irrelevant. I don't see the benefit. Be in the who you are now.