Thanks Christina and WC for your sincere and helpful responses.

My brother did get back to me. We are having coffee on Wednesday, provided he doesn’t cancel. I said I had some things to get off my chest; he said he had twenty years worth of things to get off his chest. So I’m glad we’re going to have an honest conversation. I know his childhood wasn’t easy and he’s been carrying that around with hike for a long time. Mine wasn’t easy either as I was dealing with mental illness but that just made everything harder for him. He was completely neglected by my mother. I was too, it not to the extent that he was, because she paid a little attention to me because of my illness. She didn’t pay any attention to him. I guess he’s still carrying that around with him. I’m hoping that if it comes up he will accept my sincere apology for making his life even more difficult. Yes, I had an illness, but there was also a degree of selfishness involved. I wanted to be the sickest one so I could be the best at something. I didn’t take his feelings into account. I have always regretted that and wished I could go back in time to the day my dad died and do it all over again. Take care of him like I should have. I hope I can express that to him should it come up.

I hope this will set us on the path to healing. I miss him very much and I hope we will be able to get past this.