I keep having crying spells. This year has been so hard, and now I found out I might have an autoimmune disease. I'm being tested soon by a specialist. I'm so shattered and broken. Because no matter how much work I do, how hard I try, bad things always happen to me. I try so hard to be a good person. My life is a wreck. I'm stuck in a dead end job and every time I try to do something with my life is blows up in my face and I fail. I'm 33, single and no kids. I feel like no one will ever love me and I'll never have a family of my own. I have no hope anymore.

Every time I try to change and improve my life it backfires on me. I've really tried so so hard. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost, helpless, and like my life is so pointless. There's no meaning. If I can't achieve my dreams, what is the point of dreaming? Or even trying?

It drives me crazy that people tell me I'm an amazing person and so wonderful. If I'm really that great, why am I so alone? And why is my life so awful.

I'm getting tired of fighting and trying. so tired.