I spent more than ten years with a woman who clearly has bpd. I believe bpd exists on a spectrum, like bipolar disorder, for example. There are people who are "more" borderline than others, in my opinion. I personally don't think there's any question about this. Even a person who meets official DSM 5 criteria has phases or moments where they are much higher functioning. This is why it can be so very difficult to deal with them. Sometimes, they seem almost okay. It's tricky. Very sneaky.

It is also in my experience not at all uncommon for bpd people to deny their diagnosis and refuse all treatment. That's what happened with my former S.O. She liked the chaos. So, no more S.O. My problem is that we had a beautiful little girl together, so I cannot just have no contact with her, which would be my preference. She will always be in my life. Not good. But if it's what I have to do to see my daughter, then so be it.

Just based on my fairly lengthy experience trying to make it work, a relationship with a person with bpd doesn't get better. It never improves. It just keeps going on and on and on. With treatment and therapy, perhaps this can be very different. But I never got to find that out. My advice, for what it's worth, is to run, not walk, away from this person if they will not get help. Otherwise, I do believe this is going to be a path of endless heartache for you. Unfortunately. All the best.