Tears in my eyes, reading your post and those by others here.

Please, please try not to come to any conclusions about yourself right at this moment. I only say that because it is very possible that it will be coloured, and partly (or even wholly) created by, depression. It's difficult to tell for sure, but it really sounds like you are depressed.

These things take a little time to sort out, or get treatment for. But not as long as you might fear.

I really understand that the tiredness is making you feel hopeless. You've worked and tried so very hard.

Please keep hanging around this forum, and talking to us.

Let some time pass.

Ways to feel better WILL appear.