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Lilly2
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Member Since Oct 2019
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Default Oct 28, 2019 at 10:36 AM
 
I border on OCD (probably the fear of contamination kind), but I don't actually have it.

I fear germs and contamination sometimes. If a piece of clothing falls to the ground from my drying machine, I have to rewash it.

I don't always keep my place tidy, but when I set time aside to clean, I want to clean everything thoroughly.

I spray the bottom of my shoes with Lysol about once a week, give or take.

I tend to overwash my hands after going outside for a smoke because I do not want to get sick from the germs on doorknobs and elevators.

Yes, I smoke cigarettes, even though I'm afraid of germs. It doesn't make sense. I don't want to get sick, even though I know cigs will eventually make me sick. Go figure.

I like things orderly and organized, but if I don't have energy, then I'll let them be disorganized until I have time to organize them again. I tend to organize when I'm procrastinating or super happy to have a house guest. I tend ot not organize when I'm depressed or tired from chronic fatigue syndrome.

I wasn't always this way. Before I got two illnesses (incurable) and other medical condtions, I didn't fear germs or worry about keeping my place orderly. I did as much as I could do within a day, and I prioritized work and social life over home orderliness and germ consciousness. There's something about medical traumas and illnesses/diseases and health-related losses that, altogether, trigger some sort of cue in my brain that tells me to protect myself from microscopic danger and chaos.

I'm happiest when everything is clean, orderly, and less chaotic. I'm a mess when my place is a mess.

Does anyone else go through this? Is this OCD or not really? I never got an official diagnosis, even when I mentioned some of these. I think it's because my mother is Japanese and raised us to take our shoes off in the house; it's a cultural thing, but I took it to the next level.
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