hey. i kinda made a decision to eliminate pornography from my life, too. it is something that i feel ambivalent about a lot... but for the most part... i think of the percentage of women who were sexually abused who then 'decided' they wanted to be porn stars and... there is a significant correlation. a significant correlation indeed.

i don't like the messages that are portrayed in porn. s and m themes. the message that women like this (no, most of them who haven't been sexually abused actually don't) the message that virgins actually like this (no, that tends to hurt ESPECIALLY on your first time). the messages of 'this is what it takes to be a "real" man' or a "real women" that are damaging for both sexes...

there is a part of me who thinks that orgy's and 'free love' are natural phenomena. like it is for bonobo's. part of a happy healthy society. displacement of agressive impulses and the resolution thereof.

but i can't help thinking and seeing that... we are different from the bonobo's. there are different social dynamics in play. of doing what you need to do to be perceived as a "real man" or a "real women" when those stereotypes are... unrealistic. and ultimately... undesirable.

a barrier to genuine intimacy.
and... a barrier to genuine fun.

it is hard, though. i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are plenty of people who are fairly liberal sexually who... think that porn is a negative thing for society. for the most part... a negative thing. i guess i'm one of those people. not just a matter of 'better to not do it if you have trouble controlling it'. but more a matter of 'better to not condone / promote those unrealistic and undesirable stereotypes at all'.

hang in there. there is a healthy happy sexuality that exists quite independently of watching the victims of sexual abuse do things that they perceive are the only things that are valuable about them....