Thank you, it helps hearing that. I just replied to this e-mail, saying that I want to stick to my decision. I really don't like this way of ending at all, and I wanted to write that to him, but that doesn't make sense to me to write if at the same time I am also still ending it (I feel like that would be rubbing it in his face how bad I felt after last session. I think that's clear enough by my decision anyway).

If we could have said goodbye in a session, there were quite some things I would have wanted to share with him which have been good for me during therapy with him. I experienced feeling accepted (and even liked) while also just having been snappy, which was a first for me. He also has a way of making me aware of the mechanisms in my mind in a mildly ironic way, which was nice, safe, and fun. In some of those moments, I felt most connected to him, because I felt like he saw through me, but also brought up the issue in a way that I felt good about. And all the times that we laughed because we had a good time for a large part of the sessions. We did have a good chemistry in a way. It is sad that we cannot keep working on what we have worked on and built on in the past year. I am going to miss his focused gaze when he was concentrated on listening or talking. I am also going to miss the sweet gaze of sometimes. I am going to think about his chuckle a few more times.