i dont know perna.. i feel like i dont know anything any more.

T says i am doing more and better than i think i am... but i know that what he has is an intellectual connection with me, not an emotional one. Part of me withdrew and ran away after the last rift between us.... got so hurt...

i dont know... i left three rambling stupid messages for T...

help me connect maybe... to remember how i felt. Mckell said something to remind me, and that spoke volumes to me.. i have near zero ability to give myself validation either.. everytime T says something was abuse, or not right or hatever, i am surprised still

so i dont know.. just do what you guys have done so well all along. Even when i havent wanted (or wanted to hear) something that was said, i still feel lucky to have you guys

pink.. dont be afRAYid while shopping k?