Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander
Last September I fell into a severe mixed state. I ended up IP for the whole of October. I had ECT and it erased my memories of the episode, and most of the year. Desperate to put the pieces of my life together I requested the October hospital notes. My pdoc approved this. Unfortunately, unknown to me, my pdoc, or T, I was heading back into a more severe mixed state with psychosis. Initially the notes helped me see how unwell I was and why I ended up agreeing to ECT. Over weeks though I became obsessed with those notes, and finding another way to ‘heal’ from Bipolar. Down the rabbit hole I went until I was convinced that all mental health clinicians were out to harm me. I went manic for a week and believed I could heal myself by tapping into the energy of the universe. It was an ecstatic experience until I fell into the mixed state. Suddenly I was unable to ‘tap into the energy of the universe’ to heal myself. I became suicidal and my T and pdoc got me IP. It was awful. I felt utterly trapped and terrified. If Geodon hadn’t have worked so swiftly I doubt I would be here. I have been well since March now!
Anyway, although it helps now having those notes (if I ever doubt I have Bipolar I just need to flick through them) it was the wrong time for me to have access to the notes as I had not even recovered from the episode that put me in hospital last October. Having those notes was just one piece of the puzzle, but they did add fuel to the fire. We have a right to read our records. Just be careful what state you’re in when you do.
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Thanks, Wander!
In giving this matter some thought, and with having accessed my psych records in the past, I feel strongly, at least for me, that whether or not it's a good idea for me to see my records, totally depends upon my state of mind.
When I was younger, and after my first episode, I had demanded to see my records.
I was not well. Since I had the right to see them, the facility agreed for me to view them. There was a stipulation. I had to view them while sitting with my pdoc.
The law provides for me to have possession, no matter my state of mind. I did not care to fight on the issue, although I was not initially happy about the stipulation. Just before my pdoc handed my my records (which had been neatly placed in binder). She had explained that she reviews records in this way so patients may ask questions about anything they read. (Wise)
I opened the records and started to page through. I had quickly dissociated. I had no idea what was in the records. I was obviously not ready to see them.
I honestly think, at least for me, it might/might not be a good idea to review records, depending upon my status.
I get caught up in thinking I must have whatever was forwarded to another agency, like the SSA, of all places. I figure if the government has possession of my records, I should know what is in them.
Looking back, I see immense value in handling the records review with the pdoc/tdoc present, incase of questions, etc. If the records are desired beyond that, I feel strongly the law must be followed. I do feel that if a client is not in a good place, practitioners should make an effort to discourage their client at that time. However, ultimately, the law honors the clients' requests.
I am very grateful my pdoc handled that request as she did. It was very insightful on her part.
I am careful to not request records unless I am totally up to coping with all I read. I have found that I often feel more like requesting my records when I am unwell.
Be as mindful as possible!
Know yourself!
